New Draft for a Commercial Demo

[lanceblair]

Went back to the drawing board and tweaked some things for the commercial demo. What do you like and dislike? Thanks!

[jsgilbert]

Lance,
It's obvious youcan do this v.o. thing and do it quite well, but with regards to this demo.

It never invited me in. It seemed to speak AT me and not TO me. Which is that whole personalization thing that I and others tend to talk about ad nauseum.

My take away is nice and pleasant voice, clear diction. Anything else I would have to guess at. Sometimes nice voice, pleasant diction is enough, but given you have a minute or so to wow people, that should be you goal. Make me laugh, make me cry, make me want to be your friend. Make me hungry or envious or jealous. Make me feel something, anything. Make me remember what you said. Three minutes after listening I have 0% retention of anything specific you did. And that was with me originally listening and giving you at least 80% of my attention span.

You really need to find some copy that isn't just MOR words on a page, but will allow you to sink your emotional actors chops into it. Talk to me about a new flavor of Dreyers ice cream and make me want to RUN to buy it or some cause or... That's what's behind a great commercial demo. Some of this stuff is okay for connectors or filler or contrast or to show you can do straight reads.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth.

[lanceblair]

Thanks for the advice, JS. I think you're right. I need to now at least tip things towards that direction.

'Discovery' is going away...I've got a connection I'm working on there, so I wanted to get this in the mix.
I think Discovery needs to be replaced by a food/desire piece...something emotional that generates desire like you said. I've got a Stonyfield Farms piece in mind. I'd like to replace the Cannon spot with a frantic global business leading to calm resolution piece, and I have a Nortel France piece that I worked on that can be re-appropriated to that end once I breathe more life into it. That will probably carry through 'Furniture' and 'Smoking' nicely.

Thanks again.

[Mike Sommer]

I agree with JS.

The thing is Lance I've heard you do some really good spots here on this board, with some wonderful emotions and characters - Forest Bank for example.

I know you have it in you Lance, you just need some help pulling out, you need to be directed, you also need better material.
Instead of using regional copy, you should be raising the bar with copy from national spots.

Talk to some people that do demos in your area. I would talk to Marc Cashman too - it might be worth it to spend a few bucks you come out here for a day or two to get a spectacular demo. But I'm sure there is someone out there that can help you.

[lanceblair]

There is national copy here, and I wouldn't put the Forest Bank spot on my commercial demo (and that's a very regional spot)...although I'm considering slipping that on my character demo. I appreciate that you think I have a broader range than this, and I'll try to incorporate that more. Last time around I posted this same material and have now made the changes that you advised to make the demo in your words "even stronger". So what is it?

[Mike Sommer]

It's better but it's leaving me flat for some reason. I can say I don't like the music for the first spot and then the second spot sounds like the same music from the first, and I just don't like the last spot.

After a third listen I can hear that yes there are national spots, but they sound regional.
There is no real edge to anything here, and like JS said, it sound like you are talking at us and not to us.

I think this guy has a similar voice print as you -not exact but close, or at least I can hear you doing this.
Though I like the back half of this demo more than the front, you can hear how he's talking to you, and everything is distinctive and has a bounce to it.

[lanceblair]

Well Mike, I don't like that demo at all. I hear the shared "voice print" you're talking about, but to me that sounds cheesy and yappy instead of bouncy and distinctive. I guess it's a Southeast vs. California issue...we've got plenty of cheesy VO down here, but it's less yappy. Still, I agree that I should shoot for at least a split between what I did and what JS and you are suggesting, but I'm not going that far.

I don't agree with your comments on the music. The music on the first clip is the same music from before, and how doesn't it work? The music on the example you just gave is dreadful and dated. The second piece of music on this draft is a U2 knock off from Achtung Baby "Till The End of the World" different tempo, feel, artists etc. from the first clip. Yeah, Achtung Baby is almost 20 years ago, but the music on that other demo sounds like it's even older...and I'll be darned if there's going to be whistling on my demo like there was on the one you posted! :)

[jsgilbert]

I won't go into a full critique of the demo that NMike posted for comparison purposes. I will say that it follows a formula for presentation that does often work - energy goes to intimate goes to fast talker goes to guy next door. It's kind of like the master sauces in France. There are 5 of them and the assumption is that if you can master all five, you can then make any kind of sauce. There is texture, an uinderstanding that this person can act and variaion without the voice going too much into cartoony or strange. I could nit pick, yalk about changing the order of things, etc., etc. etc. Too many unknowns to explore or reasoins why something was elected to be done one way or another. 50 producers would probably have 50 totally different sets of input as to my demos. Could they be better? Probably, but at a certain point, they are what they are and they get revisited every so often.

I think the best thing about what Mike has posted here in this particular demo is that it is attainable for you and probably surpasable. So perhaps if you look at it that way it might make more sense. At least this is my take. It's all subjective and the sad thing is that nobody is always right or always wrong.

[Mike Sommer]

Thanks JS for getting to the heart of the matter directly. I can not add any more than that. But I will.

If we understand that our Demos are to Demonstrate our acting abilities, in a snapshot form, we have a better chance of producing a demo that will do just that. We can not display our entire body of work, so we must display our very best work, without coming into redundancy, and as JS pointed out, that we are more than a one sauce chef.

~~~~
On the music Lance. I think there is a misunderstanding here. On the the demo that you have presented here, the music on the first two spots sound the same to me. Even the beats match up. Either change one of the songs or break these two spots up.

~~~~
I know you can really shine here Lance, unfortunately I can't direct you -and most can not self direct. I know it all seems to easy to produce our own demos, and the temptation is far too great. But if you want to be the lead dog, you have to realize there is a diver to point us in the right direction. It's paramount to have the help of a director to get the very best out of us, and to get us to where we need to be.

[lanceblair]

I won't go into a full critique of the demo that NMike posted for comparison purposes. I will say that it follows a formula for presentation that does often work - energy goes to intimate goes to fast talker goes to guy next door. It's kind of like the master sauces in France. There are 5 of them and the assumption is that if you can master all five, you can then make any kind of sauce. There is texture, an uinderstanding that this person can act and variaion without the voice going too much into cartoony or strange. I could nit pick, yalk about changing the order of things, etc., etc. etc. Too many unknowns to explore or reasoins why something was elected to be done one way or another. 50 producers would probably have 50 totally different sets of input as to my demos. Could they be better? Probably, but at a certain point, they are what they are and they get revisited every so often.

I think the best thing about what Mike has posted here in this particular demo is that it is attainable for you and probably surpasable. So perhaps if you look at it that way it might make more sense. At least this is my take. It's all subjective and the sad thing is that nobody is always right or always wrong.

Even though I don't like that demo, that's what I do take away from the example...so it's been a helpful illustration. I've listened to it more past my subjective preferences and I understand what Mike is trying to explain with that example. It's an effective formula, and I should look at this more as completing an exercise to become a "voice chef". Outside of the "acting" two main things that strike me about the demo is that the characters shift their places and roles even if the voice is somewhat the same (I'll call it yappy). Also, there is more range of pacing which I should develop more with the demo.

Thank you both for your insight, they've been very helpful.