Goodnight Moon

Kenneth_Bruce · 06-17-2009, 09:16 PM

So I decided to just start small on trying to sound normal, and do a rendition of goodnight moon for kids. It has some music in the bg that I thought was fitting. Please, be totally honest with me, after I'm done scowling I will re read all the criticism and job offers

JoeActor · 06-18-2009, 09:37 AM

Hey Kenneth,

You've got a very soothing tone - that's a keeper.

The pacing near the beginning is a bit stop-start. I'd like to hear it done a bit more flowing. Seems like you warm up about 2/3 of the way in.

Also, you may want to read to an actual kid (or imagine one). It'll change your delivery. Give it a bit more connection to the listener.

Well, them's my two cents!,
Joe

Mike Sommer · 06-18-2009, 11:03 AM

Sounds like you're reading at some points. Smooth it out. Believe you are reading to a child.

Scott Pollak · 06-18-2009, 11:08 AM

Kenneth, having heard your other demos, I think this is a wonderful leap forward for you and honestly it scares me. If you can manage this big of a step forward away from the announcer voice in such a short time, I'll need to be looking back over my shoulder very soon.

What I love about this is your laid-back energy level. You're not 'selling' any more. You're not talking AT me, you're sharing WITH me.

That being said, there's still work to be done. The entire delivery was pretty much at one level. When you are saying the dialogue pieces like, "Goodnight cow! Goodnight moon!", vary them up, both in terms of pitching and pacing.

And try this (and I mean REALLY DO IT): Re-read this with an actual, real smile on your face. That smile will come across in the read. Do that, vary the pacing a little bit, read thru it enough times BEFORE you record it again that you can almost tell the story from memory, and it should be killer.

It's already very good.

Phyllis K. Day · 06-18-2009, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenneth_Bruce

It has some music in the bg that I thought was fitting.

The lack of "sell" is a definite plus. Your voice is a timbre that is suited for this, however, you're pushing down to the "relaxed" sound instead of being relaxed. And that shreds the resonance in your voice.

I think the music is too loud and a little too tinkly. I'd also like to hear more connection to the audience. You also should be more of a backdrop in this, that is to say, it shouldn't be about your voice but about your message. There is a thought thread on your voice pattern that is you thinking about how you are talking and not about what you are saying and the setting in general. You should go from the page to the ears of the listener.

Just a note, this is the only audio of yours that I have ever heard.

Phyllis K.

Kenneth_Bruce · 06-18-2009, 08:30 PM

Thanks all! It was a one take off a website I found, it was written without punctuations. So I had to guess, and for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about Christopher Walken reading this book to children on an episode of The Simpsons.

I have acted in the past, three plays total.

The Man Who Came To Dinner (lead)
Fiddler on the Roof (lead, it's hard to sing in a yiddish tone while dancing at the same time)
The Odd Couple (supporting role)

It's just been so long since I've acted that I got rusty. I'll re record this dry and produced again. I'll picture reading this to my newborn niece. Thanks for all your help!

06-18-2009, 11:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
Scott Pollak Warm, Real, Natural Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 1,886	Kenneth, having heard your other demos, I think this is a wonderful leap forward for you and honestly it scares me. If you can manage this big of a step forward away from the announcer voice in such a short time, I'll need to be looking back over my shoulder very soon. What I love about this is your laid-back energy level. You're not 'selling' any more. You're not talking AT me, you're sharing WITH me. That being said, there's still work to be done. The entire delivery was pretty much at one level. When you are saying the dialogue pieces like, "Goodnight cow! Goodnight moon!", vary them up, both in terms of pitching and pacing. And try this (and I mean REALLY DO IT): Re-read this with an actual, real smile on your face. That smile will come across in the read. Do that, vary the pacing a little bit, read thru it enough times BEFORE you record it again that you can almost tell the story from memory, and it should be killer. It's already very good. __________________ Scott R. Pollak Warm, Real, Natural... The Voice of NPR Atlanta www.voicebyscott.com

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06-18-2009, 09:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
JoeActor Administrator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 2,897	Hey Kenneth, You've got a very soothing tone - that's a keeper. The pacing near the beginning is a bit stop-start. I'd like to hear it done a bit more flowing. Seems like you warm up about 2/3 of the way in. Also, you may want to read to an actual kid (or imagine one). It'll change your delivery. Give it a bit more connection to the listener. Well, them's my two cents!, Joe

06-18-2009, 11:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
Mike Sommer User Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,160	Sounds like you're reading at some points. Smooth it out. Believe you are reading to a child.

06-18-2009, 08:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kenneth_Bruce I am a BANANA! Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 116	Thanks all! It was a one take off a website I found, it was written without punctuations. So I had to guess, and for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about Christopher Walken reading this book to children on an episode of The Simpsons. I have acted in the past, three plays total. The Man Who Came To Dinner (lead) Fiddler on the Roof (lead, it's hard to sing in a yiddish tone while dancing at the same time) The Odd Couple (supporting role) It's just been so long since I've acted that I got rusty. I'll re record this dry and produced again. I'll picture reading this to my newborn niece. Thanks for all your help!