Molloy College Commercial Demo

[P.R.E.Z.]

This is a demo I use to showcase to clients. It's a short commercial for a Christian college. Just looking for some feedback on how I can improve this.

Thanks.

[jsgilbert]

Prez,
I would suggest tradiitonal acting classes and improvisational training. As well a lots of work on microphone. This piece is not competitive.

[Mike Sommer]

To hard. Soften the read a little. I was a little scared that I if I moved, I was going to make your day, after the first "Go a head."
To much "make my day" not enough nurture. This is all about fulfillment and nurture. Be those words, give those words depth and meaning, and that should drive the tone of the spot.

Think about who you are taking to- probably a young student wanting to go to collage. I would try getting out of the whisper voice too and back a little off the mic.

[P.R.E.Z.]

To hard. Soften the read a little. I was a little scared that I if I moved, I was going to make your day, after the first "Go a head."

I keep listening to this over and over. I understand soften the read but I'm not hearing, "Make my day."

By soften, I assume you mean lighten since my voice can be a tad overpowering. I was going for the deep, soft, serious side since that's how I interpreted the script. I am going to lighten it up and come at it from a more encouraging angle and see what happens.

Thanks.

[Scott Pollak]

I keep listening to this over and over. I understand soften the read but I'm not hearing, "Make my day."


You're kidding.

Attached.

[Mike Sommer]

Often when when "some" men go to the "whisper voice" they can sound a little more ominous than they think they are, especially with the addition of proximity effect from the mic.

As an opening line, this is a very unfortunate choice of words, and it needs to be handled most delicately, i.e. as if you were speaking to a new born baby. And your break between "go ahead" and "fulfill a mothers dream" isn't helping any (timing out at about :01 40/100) this needs only the smallest of beats -same with "go ahead, nurture the sprits of young talent."

I don't know if this spot is intended for TV or radio, but I would try to bring it home at around :20 or :25. I think it will sound better this way.

This is a difficult spot to tackle, for anyone right out of the box. There is a lot of subtly here.


Non of this is intended to be mean or condescending, just advice.

[P.R.E.Z.]

You're kidding.

Attached.

That was about as much help as...well...nothing. I still don't hear it unless of course you put my voice right next to Clint's.

Mike: I know that you're genuinely trying to help and think your advice is good so I appreciate your pointers quite a bit. I'm not offended in the least. It's truly helpful.

I try to do the same thing musically when I'm assist people in becoming better producers instead of just saying:"This ain't good. You need to go school to learn how to create hip hop, techno, and pop music." That kind of advice is almost as helpful as a blind man with no hands.

You hit it right on the money with my whisper voice sounding more ominous than I think. I have this voice of the Almighty going and the inflections can be a bit hard to nail for me. It's why I ask for feedback.

This is an actual script for a television spot if I remember correctly. Not sure if that ever got off the ground.

I am going to rework this and apply the pointers you've given. Look forward to your comments and advice.

God bless.

[Mike Sommer]

That was about as much help as...well...nothing. I still don't hear it unless of course you put my voice right next to Clint's. Actually what Scott did was exactly what I was talking about. His quick edit, illustrated and highlighted it perfectly.


I try to do the same thing musically when I'm assist people in becoming better producers instead of just saying:"This ain't good. You need to go school to learn how to create hip hop, techno, and pop music." That kind of advice is almost as helpful as a blind man with no hands. Remember that blind man can still hear, think, walk and kick you in the nuts when you least expect it. Though you may not appreciate JS's comments about seeking coaching or school; it is in fact, the correct advice. Frankly the very fact that you can not hear the comparison of your voice to Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, is proof of that. This is a business of communication, and to be able to communicate effectively one needs to be able to hear the subtleties and nuances of the human voice. You can not get this from a book you can not get this form postings on Voice Chat Forums, you only get this from one on one coaching and practical experience.

You need to be able to hear the music in the words you speak. And, in your response, you have demonstrated that you lack this ability even when it is illustrated to you most accurately by Scott.

Think we are harsh? No sir. Do what you did here in a booth and you've never work in VO again. Thank you very much!


Back to the love-


You hit it right on the money with my whisper voice sounding more ominous than I think. I have this voice of the Almighty going and the inflections can be a bit hard to nail for me. It's why I ask for feedback. Don't get cocky now. :smile:I hear a nice voice, but nothing of God -I may be wrong with that, because after sitting next to gods little brother (Don Bishiop) for nine weeks, one gets a little jaded. But what you think you have, is a perceived notion. Literally "in your head." Your inner ear is hearing the resonance of your head, chest and body, i.e. not as people hear you. And that's were you failed in the delivery of your spot, you were trying to be someone (in voice) you are not. Don't worry, we've all done it here, and some still do. So, if you really want to succeed, just speak in your everyday voice and be yourself. This will move you through the copy in a more believable and realistic fashion.


This is an actual script for a television spot if I remember correctly. Not sure if that ever got off the ground.Which explains why it is so cryptic, it was to be supported by picture. Which speak a thousand words. Tie it all together as one cohesive package, tell it as a story with a beginning a middle and an end. Otherwise stick to more descriptive radio copy.

[P.R.E.Z.]

Thanks for the input.