View Full Version : Very OT but gotta say it
01-04-2009, 01:17 PM
Just wanted to get it on the record that after many years of difficult times with my son, his visit over the holidays was wonderful, he is finally turning into a decent young man and has his head on straight. I was very sad to see him off at the airport yesterday but heartened that he wants to come back around spring break time. After years of acting out and virtual estrangement from his family, he now realizes what he had and now misses us all. His girlfriend and her family have been his surrogate family for the last few years, and have helped him get himself together. He and I had been like oil and water for a long time, but now things have smoothed out and he values me and I value him. I'm extremely grateful that this is happening, particularly in the wake of the news of John Travolta's son's sudden passing, as well as the grown son of one of my dad's friends (also sudden; car crash after Xmas)...I am most definitely thankful for the chance to "get my son back".
I realize this is more of a LiveJournal type post, but we are all adults here, and I'm sure of relatively a like mind, so thanks for wading thru this. I am possibly known for the more bitchy type of post across the forums, but I feel empowered by not only my best year in VO ever, but also doing "work on me" over the last few years that has paid off thru less stress and better family relationships.
Again, thanks for reading, no reply is necessary, I just miss my son (he's 21 in June, btw) and look forward to more good times and good memories with him.
01-04-2009, 01:56 PM
Chris, I can't tell you how much I needed to read this.
First of all, my heart literally is doing somersaults of joy for you guys.
But also, I have a 17 year old daughter who has done her best to alienate the rest of the family over the past year. 2007 was an absolute nightmare for us and this year was better. Even so, I have to wonder whatever became of my sweet little girl and if I'll ever get her back. In family counseling we were told she's extremely narcissistic with almost no real feelings for anyone other than herself. I love her dearly but I want to cry when I'm around her because of the chasm between us. She plans on moving out with a friend next summer when she graduates high school and my wife and I can only wait, hope and pray that time will soften her heart and self-centerdness.
So reading another testimony that kids can, in fact, see the light once they finally DO grow up is encouragement that I need.
Best wishes and blessings to you and your family.
01-04-2009, 08:04 PM
I feel for you both, and your families, of course. I never had kids of my own, through no choice of my own, but I can only imagine the pain you both feel.
I have a relative who has been hot and cold with me for many years spend Christmas here at home. Let's just say I kept things civil but I also kept my distance. Do I wish things were different? Yes. Do I want to actually look forward to the holidays with more joy in my heart? Sure do. Maybe, just maybe, it will happen someday, but as the old saying goes...you can pick your friends, but not your relatives.
Here's hoping both of you have a better 2009 and resolve your issues.
01-05-2009, 06:54 PM
Chris ... Really glad to hear it, Congrats!!!!!!!
Thanks for posting your story. Like Scott, I have a 17 year old who is the apple of my eye, but she is at a juncture in her life which, if she chooses incorrectly, could really be detrimental to the rest of her life. Any attempted guidance by her mother or I is swiftly rebuked so we are simply hoping and praying.
Your story gives hope. Thanks.
01-05-2009, 07:44 PM
sure glad things are working out for you, Chris... we're kinda lucky i guess... our son, who will be 24 next month, never got into any serious jackpots during his teenrage years... only heavy drama i recall is when he was 14 he wanted to visit his online g/f .... in iowa... when i said no he freaked out a bit, told me to *^#! off, and stewed for a few days interrupted by brief moments of passive-aggressive posturing... a month later he quietly came up to me and apologised for telling me to *<#! off...
in watching house painting customer's kids grow up, my neices and nephews grow up, and kids at church grow up, i had an interesting Taoist type insight which got us thru a couple trying teenrage situations: the more effort put into controling a situation, the worse the situation gets... we yielded alot, but remained there for him to see and know that we were always aware... the hardest part was knowing how and when to express a concern... we're fortunate to have had alot of those 'right place/right time/right mind moments'... so fortunate that there were times when our son would come out of his cave, if you will, sit w/ us and say, 'got a few minutes?'
we haven't given him much direction or guidance... what we do give him is listening... as he talks we'll let out a word or two that keeps him talking and thinking unitil eventually he's answered his own questions, addressed all concerns, and created his own solutions...
he's living w/ his g/f, not the one from iowa, and they're getting married next year....
like i said, he's never had any serious dramas, that was my role... for what its worth, a couple not so good acts in my melodrama had me play two roles in raising our son: a good example, and a terrible warning.... hehehe, 'when parents go bad', how come you don't see that on reality teevee, eh?
01-06-2009, 12:38 PM
Chris, I am really happy to hear that. You know, I have not publicly mentioned this here, but I myself lost my 15 year old son in August of 2005 to an accident. I can tell you, that even though they are who they are, and we don't always see eye to eye with them, we as parents have to do everything possible to somehow break through to them. Sometimes, it takes being apart for it to sink in, but you did what it took, as did he. The reward will be great. Pat yourself on the back when you can, give him a hug when you can, and above all else make sure you tell him you love him.
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