Apreciate any Comments on my Narration Demo

[anumber1]

From my rather limited resources and my closet studio I have put together a narration demo. Apreciate any comments.

Thanks,
Mike

[Robert Jadah]

Mike:
While I love your down-home tone and your distracted delivery, I do not believe this demo comes close to showcasing your strengths.
Considering you have about five seconds to grab an important listener's attention, the first :20 are just four times Sominex.
Your best bit - by far - is the Letting Go read, and everything after the 1:00 minute mark. That`s too late.

I'd not take this one out of the garage just yet. The starter`s shot, and the paint job`s running a mite.

(I`m sure you`ve got better clips hanging around. Find some with a little spice and variety and shake that puppy up.)

Curmudgeonly Yours,

[anumber1]

Thanks Robert. If I understand you right, I should keep the hypnosis and storytelling tracks, and find something else for the Memphis and ambulance tracks.

I really apreciate your input on this.

This is a general demo I just did. Is there anything here that would be better in the narration demo?

Thanks,
Mike

[Robert Jadah]

Thanks for the thanks, Mike.
And yes, you translated my Canadian rightly; I'd open with the Storytelling and segue unto the hypnotic bit. Then you really need only another :20 or so, something with a different tone and pace.
I liked the Zippy Lube for such purposes, but it's not Narration.
Something'll come along.

The General Demo, by the way, is way too long.

Go get 'em!

Pontificatingly Yours,

[Scott Pollak]

Mike, I'm going to throw my .02 in (adjusted for inflation now worth a staggering buck seventeen).

I get the impression you're like a lot of folks who are blessed with a truly delightful voice and haven't quite gotten past the innate feeling that the wonderful tonal quality of your voice is going to do 90% of the work for you. That's because I'm just not feeling much of what you're saying in these demos. Most of it sounds 'read' to me and a bit forced.

Let's try an experiment, shall we?

Sit down in front of your mike and start recording. Have a cup or glass of your favorite beverage handy. Imagine that I'm sitting across from you at a table in a nice, quiet little tavern. Think of a standout event in your life... maybe it was your wedding or the birth of kids or grandkids. Maybe you remember clearly how you felt and where you were when the Challenger exploded or the Towers were hit on 9/11. Doesn't matter. Just pick an event and mull it over in your brain.

Now... imagine I've just said this to you: "Tell me about it, Mike...."

Start talking and TELL me about it. No script. Just talk. From your heart.

And post it here and let's give 'er a listen. I'm no v/o coach, but I'll bet that this is what we want to work your narratives and storytelling towards.

[Jodi Krangle]

What a great idea, Scott. Wow. I've had trouble "connecting" with my copy in the past and I'll definitely keep this sort of exercise in mind. I've been completely mesmerized by Mike's voice previously so I'll really look forward to hearing that conversation you suggest, if he has the time to put it together. If nothing else, it's a great creative exercise too.

[anumber1]

Scott, I apreciate so much you taking the time to do this. And Jodi, when I need motivation, I just go back and read your posts.

This is me Scott, talking to you about what turned out to be a lucky day for me. The guy that took my place didn't make it. He was KIA 3 months later.

[Jodi Krangle]

Wow, Mike! That's quite a story! I'm really glad you made it through! (And thanks for your sweet words about motivation, too. That made my day. :D)

But I can definitely hear the conversational tone in your voice when you're doing that ... Scott's assessment was right on the money (as per usual). ;) This is something I learned in the Deb Monro workshop as well. The way to make it conversational is to actually picture speaking the words to *someone* - not just a nebulous audience of faceless people. In fact, you could even preface it with a lead in couple of words like "You know <insert name of person you want to speak to here>" or "Funny story <name> but," etc. Depending on the copy, of course. You just edit out the words afterwards and it works like a charm. I've even heard of people doing this in live auditions and their lead in words being kept in the script afterwards. ;)

I still find it hard to connect with copy sometimes despite this. It's an ongoing battle. But it certainly helps.

Thanks so much for sharing your story.

[Robert Jadah]

I'm no v/o coach, but...

But...you should be, Scott.
I'd much rather hear advice from a fellow GI/VO in the trenches than a muckety-muck in the Ops Room.

Figuratively Yours,

[Scott Pollak]

Thank you, Robert. I appreciate that. I actually tried an experiment with a couple of ladies you would know from the v/o savvy forum who I set up for some weekly call-ins for coaching. They seemed to enjoy it and get a lot out of it but I found that I wasn't really able to prepare well for their sessions, nor do I really have the extensive training myself. And to be honest, I didn't ENJOY coaching that much. I suppose if it was something you did fulltime like Nancy Wolfson, maybe that's a different story, but my main interest and energy are focused on being a v/o talent myself.

Now, Mike..... so much better. I'm sure YOU can hear the difference. There's a real variety in pacing and energy level throughout. It is (of course) very REAL. And of course not every audition or script is going to require you to drop down to such a level of quiet personalism, but you surely got the gist of trying to visualize the person to whom you were speaking and to draw upon your own internal emotions when telling the story. The real trick, and it's hard as hell, is to do that when you're handed a piece of paper with :60 of copy on it where you have to convince people to refinance TODAY! LOL Okay, that's a lousy analogy.

Also, let me jump way back for a moment to your narration demo at the very top of the page. I was listening to it again today and if you'll allow me, I'm going to point out some SPECIFICS that just didn't work in it for me, that you should probably be aware of.

Actually, the Memphis read isn't too bad, but still needed just a bit more variety, I think, in your emphasis. It quickly took on a cadence to it, almost like a predictable piece of poetry.

The one that really jumped out at me, though, as - frankly - a mess, was the story about the girl getting hit by the ambulance. For one thing you need to watch a lazy tongue. You slurred "ambulance" and "approximately" (pretty noticeable stumble there). Also, you kept emphasizing the word "AND" each time and it began to really draw attention to itself. To me, that whole thing sounded like Mike was thinking "Okay, I'm going to sit down now and try to sound dramatic." Just very forced.

Now Mike, you have been given a gorgeous instrument (your voice, of course). Even BETTER, you apparently have the gift of receiving critiques in the positive way that they're offered up, and taking them to heart and acting on them.

Here's what I think: I think with your openness to constructive criticism, with your natural sound, and with a lot of practice and some training and coaching, you could be outstanding. You have a very good start, now you need to find and use resources that can bump you up from someone with a lot of potential to someone who can really compete with the big boys.

And I can guarantee we'll all be rooting for you! Oh, and God Bless you for your sacrifice for our country. I have nothing but respect and love for our men and women in uniform.

[anumber1]

Thanks again for all the help. It is so tremeandous that you take the time to help me. I just hope I can absorb and implement he great advise I'm getting.

I am taking more time to listen and try to fix the lazy tounge etc. Got some better earphones today. Now I need to pay attention. Tomorrow I'm going to work on some better tracks for the demo.

I have set up a file on my computer for critiques so I can go back and review what you have so generousley shared with me.

Thanks so much,
Mike

This is part of something I did for practice today.