Please, Please Critique (especially you pros!)

[alexrain]

I'm reworking my demo myself, trying to achieve a better result... my original is on my site at www.alexrain.com...if you're curious. I shortened everything down to one minute, rearranged clips, and tried to stay away from the 'announcer-y' type stuff. I also tried to keep all the clips close to my natural tone. Please give me feedback... I want to see what changes I might need to make to submit to an agent.

Thanks so much!
Alex:smiley:

[PierceVoice]

Great job!

I'd swap around some of those spots... Make sure those first two--very similar-- aren't back to back. My favs: H&R, Golden Corral, Tour of your wallet, Cook's. I'd check with the real pros first on their favs, but make sure the most shiny pieces hit first. Also might consider lengthening the duration of each piece to let the demo breathe a bit-- even if it means removing some content. Each spot should establish a bit more, imho.

The character stuff is a tough one to get... I'm gonna have to defer to the all-knowing Bob for this one-- I'm sure his words will best describe how to go about presentation there.

[JoeActor]

Hey Alex,

I took a quick listen to the commercial one, and I would still like to hear some more conversational, natural deliveries. It's still a bit presentational in all the spots, which puts some distance between you and your audience, IMHO.

On the characters, I like some, but others are over the top... I know, I know... How can you have a character that's "over the top", Joe? Well, even characters should have a "real" quality within their own universe. Speech paterns and accents should be consistent, and the character needs feelings, motivation, and reactions just like a more "normal" read would have.

I know you have a theatre background. Have you studied Improv too?

When I began doing VO seriously, I had trouble bringing my stage experience into the booth with me. Creative imagery helped with that. Picturing my character, who I'm speaking to (one specific person), what just happened, my surroundings - the whole ball of worms (can of wax?). It takes some time to do all that, but after a while it becomes second nature.

Ok, I'm droning on - hope this helps a bit,
Joe J Thomas
www.JoeActor.com (http://www.JoeActor.com)

[alexrain]

Chad and Joe,

Thank you both for the replies. It's really hard to be objective about your own work sometime. Chad, I think your right on with needing the spots to establish more. The spots you singled out are some of my favs.
Joe, I'm still trying to beat the radio guy out of me...I think I probably need some fresh copy... more conversational copy...I'm posting a revision to demo with a new spot in there, different tone and approach, to vary things a bit.
Thanks again!
Alex

[alexrain]

Okay,
Took out a couple of clips, put a new clip with a different style of delivery to add variation. Tell me if this is better...

Thanks!
Alex